…it’s already past (it’s quote from famous polish comedy - Boys don’t cry). you can get much better than that. you simply ‘restart whole internet using secret team of key bearers’:

Cards you see are keys to global internetwork. There are seven of them and may be used to restart internet in the event of Earth-shattering cataclysm. Yes, we have to be prepared for anything.

In the event of global outage, DNSSEC system would be damaged. You wouldn’t be able to check if URL really leads to the displayed label, and world would fall to chaos and anarchy. But then, Secret Group Of Key Bearers would appear and save the world.

yeaaaah. it’s one thing to be prepared. and other thing to understand what you’re trying to translate.